


The Problem with Ruby

by Stormlyht



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Spoilers season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:46:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormlyht/pseuds/Stormlyht
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is suspicious, Sam carefully avoids the conversation, and one Siren forced the issue.  Now they have to figure things out, if they ever expect to move forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Problem with Ruby

It always started with a fight. That was just how the Winchester’s rolled. First they fucked up and said things they didn’t want to to each other because a butt ugly siren had them enthralled, then they drove for miles without talking to each other.

“You know I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I know, you know I didn’t either.”

“Yeah.”

They were both full of shit, and knew it. Smile, walk on, pretend you didn’t almost kill each other without using a single weapon. The problem was they didn’t know how to talk to each other, not really. Sam would always need protecting, never mind he’d survived for months without Dean, and Dean would always need Sam’s forgiveness, never mind Sam never felt Dean needed to hear it. Didn’t Dean know Sam loved him? Had always loved him? Would always love him? As for Dean, he knew that Sam could stand on his own, he knew it deep inside, because he’d trained Sam. The problem was he didn’t feel complete unless someone was leaning on him, needing him, because what *was* Dean but a protector? He had nothing else.

Dad’s fault they were both messed up, and when they walked into the motel room that night and tried to get back into the pattern they knew and loved, it was no surprise they couldn’t handle the pressure.

Dean was the first one to crack. They were watching TV, something stupid and Sam wasn’t even paying attention but when Dean said, “So, you think you’re stronger without me Sammy?” Sam’s focus went right to his brother.

“Dude, I *told* you that I didn’t mean what I said,” Sam snapped, feeling the hurt inside and not sure how to deal with his own messed up brain. He loved Dean, *needed* him to be there for him, but he needed to be able to stand on his own, didn’t he?

“Yeah, I heard you, but you meant it.” Dean turned his bright green eyes on Sam and they were full of anger, and self loathing.

“I did not. Dean, I don’t want to have this argument,” Sam started, and he thought that maybe, if he could move the conversation to something else, Dean would leave it, go on to pretending.

“You’re keeping secrets from me Sammy. Every day you keep them. How am I supposed to know how you feel?” and the hurt was plain in his voice, but Sam was frustrated and chose to ignore it.

“I’m not keeping secrets from you!” he snapped, turning to look at Dean fully. He had so many secrets, but how was he going to tell Dean anything when every time he tried to explain Dean got mad at him?

“You are! You talk to Ruby behind my back, disappear in the middle of the night. Then there are the walks, you don’t really think I don’t know there’s something else going on, do you? When did you ever take that many walks?”

“I go for walks to get fresh air.” It’s all it was, fresh air, and blood pumping through his veins because if he didn’t, he’d lose the only thing that was really important to him.

“Yeah, hour long, two hour long walks. Sure you do.” Dean stood up, slamming his bottle down on the motel table. “Stop lying to me Sammy!”

“What do you want me to say?” Sam asked, feeling his heart start pounding in his chest as his own anger rose.

“You could tell me what you’re thinking Sammy. Why you feel the need to go behind my back sneaking around with Ruby in the middle of the night. Talking to her when you think I’m asleep! Like you used to before I had to leave…” 

“I don’t tell you because you don’t listen. It’s nothing new Dean, it’s always been that way since… since a lot longer than Ruby!” It was probably because Dean didn’t like to talk, it wasn’t the “manly” thing to do.

“I’m listening now, so why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you and Ruby?”

“Lilith!” Sam returned, standing himself and staring at his brother. “We talk about Lilith, and where she is, what she’s doing. We’re trying to kill the bitch Dean, or have you forgotten?”

“I haven’t, but this isn’t about that Sammy it’s about how you aren’t telling me anything anymore and how you keep hiding things…”

“Because you don’t listen!” Sam lost it. “You never listen to me!”

“I listen!” Dean argued, and his face got stormy with anger. 

Sam wanted to kiss him, stroke the pain away, make Dean feel like he was worth something, because Dean was worth *everything*. Even though he felt all of that he came right back at Dean. “You don’t!” He couldn’t help it, because it was true and even though he wanted to screw his brother into the wall, he also wanted him to listen, really listen, really understand.

“I listen to everything you say!” Dean stepped away and over to the bed, sitting down on it and shaking his head. “Even when I don’t like what I hear, I listen.”

“Then you already know that I’m trying to find the bitch so we can kill her.”

“That’s not all there is. Ruby is… you trust her more than you trust me. The things you used to say to me you’re telling her instead.” Dean said, and for a moment they stared at one another without saying anything.

“I talk to Ruby because she listens Dean, not because I want to talk to her instead!” Sam slammed his hand on the wall and he saw Dean flinch.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should be with Ruby then. You probably think of her when you’re with me anyhow.”

“What?” Sam asked, his blood turning to ice inside his veins. “You think I... when I’m... seriously?” The idea was absurd, how could Dean think that?

Dean looked up at him, eyes piercing and narrowed just slightly in that suspicious way he had and Sam could see he was dead serious, “Are you saying you don’t?”

“No!” Sam said, choking the word out in horror. “Never. I don’t *ever* think of her when we’re together. That’s just... no!” Dean blew his mind away when they were together, there was never time to think about anything other than *Dean*.

“Yeah? How should I know? It isn’t like you haven’t been with her.” Dean was baiting Sam, because it was the only way he knew how to communicate.

Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop his heart from beating out of him. “I don’t,” he said, voice hard. “She and I... it’s different.” How did he tell Dean he *needed* Ruby in a totally different way from how he *needed* Dean? He couldn’t.

“Right, different,” Dean’s voice was cold. There was a loud scrape on something outside. Both of them looked towards the sound briefly. 

Sam frowned. Was it Ruby? No, she’d have called first. Turning back to Dean he crossed his arms. “You don’t trust me, do you?” he asked, the hurt deep seated at the mere thought. It was the only conclusion he could come to.

“Trust you?” Dean looked at him, “How can I, you aren’t giving me anything to trust anymore. I mean I trust you to have my back but... I have no idea what you expect.”

He expected everything to be the way it had been, how could Dean not know that? “What am I not giving you Dean? I give you everything! I tell you everything I can to make you understand, but I can’t do that forever.” Sam felt like he bellowed the words out again and again, and when would Dean understand?

“The truth, that’s what,” there was another scrape, “you gonna look into that or what?” Evidently since Sam had said he was the better Hunter Dean wasn’t going to leave the room.

“I give you the truth!” Sam said, then he threw up his hands and stormed towards the door. “I’m trying to hunt Lilith, and Ruby is helping. There isn’t anything more!” Then he opened the door and looked around.

There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, so he closed the door behind himself and reached a hand into his jacket, looking around. A flight of stairs and nothing interesting later, he was coming back to the room and he saw Dean, heading for the door.

Dean stopped in place and said, “What the hell took you so long?”

Dean seemed perfectly fine, his tone teasing, and that only irritated Sam more. He hadn’t found anything and Dean was checking up after him, like he didn’t know how to do anything right. “I was out here thinking about Ruby,” he snapped.

Instantly, Sam knew he’d said the wrong thing. The small smirk on Dean’s face disappeared into a wave of hurt anger and before Sam could say anything to make up for his words, Dean snarled, “Fine!” Then he went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Damnit! Why did Sam do everything he could to make things worse? Shutting the room door and making sure it was locked, Sam started stripping down, sitting on the edge of Dean’s bed as he did so. They were so good at hurting each other, and not very good at making things better. His shirt was off as well as his shoes and socks before Dean was out of the bathroom. He came out looking sulky and made a point of walking around to the other side of the bed as he stripped, not looking Sam in the eyes, even though Sam tried to meet his gaze. Undoing his pants, Sam started slipping them down his hips. His voice was soft when he spoke next. He had to try something. “Dean? This... Look, you’re the most important thing to me, you know?”

“Am I Sammy?” Sam could feel Dean turning to look over at him. “Am I really?”

He met Dean’s eyes and he could feel the real fear in Dean’s words. His heart hurt at that uncertainty. How many times did he have to tell Dean before Dean believed him? How many times did he have to fuck up before he’d learn? “Yes, you are,” he stressed each word, holding his brother’s beautiful gaze. “I do everything for you. Ruby, the fighting, this messed up gift I have, it’s all for you.” Maybe this time it would sink in.

Dean shook his head, “I don’t want...” he shook his head again and Sam could see all of the signs that meant Dean was struggling to talk about one of those things he didn’t like to talk about, “all that. I just... want you to be safe, okay? I need you to be.”

“What the hell do you think I need from you Dean?” Sam kicked his pants the rest of the way off and turned on the bed to fully face his brother. “Look, you... you’re the most important thing to me, and I lost you, for months I lost you. I can’t do that again, you know? I *need* you to be safe, and if that means I walk into danger to do it, then fine.” Sam cared little for his own personal safety in relation to his brothers.

“No, look, it’s not fine okay? Because if you felt that way while I was gone how do you think I would feel if something happened to you?” 

Dean grabbed hold of him roughly and crushed his lips against Sam’s his tongue plunging into Sam’s mouth, demanding a response, which he got instantly. Sam pressed his own tongue against Dean’s and allowed them to twine together for a time. He needed this, he needed Dean to want him, because that was the only way he knew his brother really needed him in return. He broke away with a gasp, his body warming. “I know how you feel Dean, that’s why I’m so fucking careful,” he whispered onto Dean’s lips.

“Not careful enough,” the words came from deep in Dean’s throat and that voice went right to Sam’s dick, “just, please.” Please what he didn’t explain as he claimed another hard, desperate kiss. It went on for some time until he pulled back, breathing hard. “Don’t disappear on me tonight Sammy,” he said when he pulled away, “I don’t wanna wake up and find you gone.”

“I...” Sam frowned at Dean, but then his brain caught up with him. The nightmares Dean had been having. Sam knew about them, he saw them twisting his brother’s face in the morning sometimes. They were bad, and Sam was sure they were about Hell, but what could he do about them exactly?

Except he was supposed to be there for his brother, and in his insistence to find out where Lilith was, and his desire to get strong, he’d forgotten that sometimes the protector needed protecting. How could he leave Dean when Dean needed him so badly? God he was so messed up!

Wrapping his arms tightly around Dean, he kissed him deeply. He loved his brother, loved him more than anything else. When he pulled away, he brushed at the fringe of short hair on Dean’s forehead. He had to prove to Dean that Dean was first, and he’d do anything to prove that. “Yeah, I won’t leave tonight. I’ll be right here for you, alright? All night long Dean. I’m not going anywhere.” Anything for Dean. Anything.

“In the morning too, I don’t want to wake up again and find you not there,” desperate eyes searched Sammy’s, lonely eyes. They’d been together again for a while but Dean still seemed... wrong somehow and he wouldn’t talk about it. He didn’t ask for things either, not like he was at that moment.

“All night, all morning, I’ll be the first thing you see when you wake up,” Sam agreed, nodding his head and pulling his phone off the night stand. “I’ll even turn this off.” That way, if she called, Sam wouldn’t get it. 

He owed Dean that much. Sam knew he actually owed him much more than just that. Dean’s eyes never left him as the phone got turned off and set aside. Then he nodded, pulled Sam to him and began kissing him again, pulling him close, holding him tight until neither of them could breathe. He pulled away, gasping for breath, lightly biting and sucking Sam’s shoulder between breaths.

“Dean,” Sam moaned. “Dean.” Then he broke away and stared down at his brother. He had to set something straight. “Dean, have I ever, ever, called out Ruby’s name while we did this? Ever?”

For several silent moments Dean stared at him finally shaking his head, “No.”

Taking a deep breath, he lost eye contact with Dean before gaining it again. “She can’t say the same thing,” he said, voice very soft. He’d have looked away, but then Dean wouldn’t believe him. It hadn’t been one of his finer moments, but she’d taken it in stride, more or less.

“Sammy I... wait, what? Really?”

Flushing, Sam nodded. “Yeah. It was... I just... I needed you Dean, you know? And she was there, and when I closed my eyes, I could imagine it was you I was holding, instead of her. It just happened, and she kind of... dealt with it.”

“That’s crazy,” Dean shook his head and then a brief, rough sounding laugh escaped him, “I hope I’m not supposed to feel bad. I don’t like her, and I don’t trust her, jumping on you like she did as soon as I was gone.”

“It wasn’t right away Dean,” Sam rolled his eyes.

“No, not until you were really vulnerable. Look, forget it, okay? I don’t want to talk about her, I don’t want her to be part of this in any way.”

“Good,” Sam breathed, then he reached a hand behind Dean’s head and brought Dean’s mouth close to his neck. “Dean,” he whispered, feeling the thrumming of desire in his body. “Dean, I need you. Make me yours, please?” He had to feel like he was a part of Dean, to have proof Dean was with him again. He couldn’t stop the need, and he didn’t want to. This was his brother, and he had to feel how closely they were joined, if only for a little while.

Dean leaned in sucking and kissing and biting harder and harder, moaning as he did. Sam felt his shoulder spike in pain, which washed away into pleasure and he pressed himself closer to Dean, twining his legs together with his older brother. His breath came in short pants and he wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders, hands scrambling at Dean’s hair.

“Dean,” he moaned, pressing his dick into Dean’s leg. “Dean, yes, harder.” The quick flash of blinding pain made him feel real, feel alive, and he wished he could live in this space forever. When Dean’s mouth removed itself from Sam’s neck he sighed, but then lips attached to a nipple and he arched his body into Dean’s. “Yes.”

The bite was soft at first, but in the best tease ever it got harder and harder until he was making Sam cry out in pain. Then a lick, then a bite again. Higher brain function slipped away, leaving Sam with nothing more than desire. Desire for, “Dean!” Crying out his name as the other nipple was tugged and pinched, Sam felt the first wash of tears threaten his eyes. Not yet, he thought. Not yet, he can’t know how much I need him yet.

“You like that Sammy?” Dean whispered across his sore and aching nipple and Sam nodded his head. “Yeah, I know you do.” He began kissing and when Sam looked down he could see smaller bruises dotting his chest. Meeting Dean’s eyes, he saw the possessiveness that meant he’d be wrecked by the time Dean was done with him.

A hand ghosted around his thighs, then lightly touched his dick. Whimpering, he arched his hips into the hand, and Dean grasped him tightly, fingers closing around his heated flesh so painfully he cried out again. “Dean! Please, more.”

“Yeah Sammy,” Dean breathed, and then the hand was moving, fast, hard, making Sam come so quickly Sam was closing his eyes even tighter around the tears. Dean couldn’t know how perfect he was to Sam. That would somehow make things worse, right?

Breathing heavily, he wasn’t paying much attention as Dean moved away, but he did notice when his legs were pulled apart. Opening his eyes again, he looked at Dean, who was smirking. “Ready for me Sammy?” Dean asked and Sam tilted himself up a bit, trying to get himself in the perfect position for his brother.

Slick fingers swirled around his hole, and Sam tried to breath easy and relax. When the first finger pressed inside he sighed, content, the pain just another reminder he was alive, and his brother was *right here* with him. Wanting more, he started moving, pressing his body against Dean’s hand, and then there were two fingers. It was perfect.

By the time he was stretched and ready for Dean, Sam was whining, desperate and wild as he tried to satisfy the ache inside of him on Dean’s hand. “Take it easy Sammy,” Dean said, gentle now. He always seemed to know just when to be gentle, when to be firm, when to go wild. He knew what Sam needed somehow like no one else. Maybe it was because they had been together for such a long time. As he began pressing himself into Sam he was certain, strong, and so perfect. “Here I am, take all of me.”

“Yes!” Sam cried out, thrusting his hips into Dean, skin slapped against skin hard as every bit of Dean plunged into his body. “Yes! I want you Dean, want you to fuck me, make me yours, make me all yours.” He felt the best when his ass was full of Dean and twitching in pain.

“My Sammy,” Dean gasped, pausing for just a moment before moving. Out slowly, then in quick, and he started a pattern that had Sam so strung out he could hardly breathe. “Baby brother’s all mine.”

“Yes,” Sam said, nodding his head and the tears fell now, because he couldn’t control them. Dean had angled just right and pleasure burst behind his eyes. “Dean’s!” he cried out, grasping for anything he could get a hold of. Dean’s arms, no, the sheets, no, the headboard, more, harder, please wreck me, and was he saying that out loud? Maybe, but it didn’t matter, because he was open, rocked through waves of pleasure that filled not just his ass, but his soul as well.

Connected like this, so close, so intimate, he was happy, perfectly owned, because Dean still wanted him, and he was flying through the pleasure, finding the right height to soar. When he came, it was with Dean’s name wrenching past his lips, his body slick with sweat and Dean pulsing inside of him.

For several moments the only noise was them breathing, but then Dean was sliding out and Sam whimpered. He didn’t like this part, when he was separated from his brother again. Dean tossed the lube off the bed, then he was lying next to Sam and Sam pressed his body against Dean. They never talked about the tears, and they wouldn’t tonight either, but Dean wiped them away gently, pulling the sheet over their bodies and tucking it behind Sam.

When they had been younger, it had made sense for Dean to hold Sam. Now Sam was the taller one and he sometimes felt a little strange here, tucked against Dean’s shoulder, but this was how he was Dean’s. He’d always be Dean’s when he was held, and Dean needed this, needed to know Sam belonged to him. Smiling, he kissed Dean’s shoulder.

“I love you,” he whispered and Dean grunted. That was as much of a return as Sam would get, and that was fine, because he knew it meant Dean loved him too.

**Author's Note:**

> Super special thank you to my partner,[Moondansr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/moondansr), without whom this fic would not be nearly as awesome. She did an amazing job helping me with writing Dean's lines (*ahem* read as: mostly wrote Dean's lines.), and went through it to make sure I successfully managed to get the proper words in their proper places. Thank you.


End file.
